Wife vs Girlfriend

Wife is like TV, girlfriend is like Hand phone (HP)

At home watch TV, go out bring HP.

No money, sell TV. Got money change HP.

Sometimes enjoy TV, but most of the time play with HP.

TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay the services will be terminated

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, but handphone is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time.

Operational cost for TV is often acceptablebut for HP is high and often demanding,

Most Important, TV got remote..HP don't have..


Last but not least....... .

TV do not have virus, but HP yes......... .have VIRUS....... ........ once get it, terus KONG........ hahahahaha. .....
so better choose TV .....

...(but my friend claims he got fully anti-virus protection)

Cadbury Advert

Funny how the eyebrows move... :D

Top Management Training

A Red Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.

He says to the waiter, 'Me want coffee.'

The waiter says, 'Sure chief, coming right up...'

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out..

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and

Says to the waiter, 'Me want coffee.'

The waiter says, 'Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the heck was all that about, anyway?'

The Indian smiles and proudly says, 'Me training for top management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot some crap, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.

The Mom Song

Nice Song... :D

How the Fight Started

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
   
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My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the tv?"
   
I replied "Dust".
   
And that's how the fight started.....
   
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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
   
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
   
And that's how the fight started.....
   
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.
   
'I bought her a scale.
   
And that's how the fight started.....
   
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I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
   
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
   
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
   
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
   
And that's when the fight started....
   
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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
   
'No,' she answered.
   
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
   
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
   
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
   
And that's when the fight started....
   
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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
   
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
   
And that's when the fight started.....
   
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I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
   
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
   
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
   
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
   
And that's when the fight started.....

9 Words Women Use!

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
 
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
 
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
 
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
  ;
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
 
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
 
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying  *&^%$  YOU!
 
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it:  Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
 
* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
 
* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!!