Happy New Year 2009

WISHING YOU THE VERY BEST IN
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¨°º¤ø„¸ HaPpY ¸„ø¤º°¨
¸„ø¤º°¨ NeW yEaR``°º¤ø„¸
¸„ø¤º ``°º¤ø„¸ ¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„

Matrix 4

Matrix 4 starring George W Bush.

Farewell Dinner

Gecko Love Story

This is actually a ceiling advertisement from Thailand.

Funny Batman & Joker

Love and Marriage

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!"

Neck Exercise

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Legend Of Cigarattes.

I am Peter Stuyvesant
I have 2 friends, Benson and Hedges
I came from the city of Marlboro
In the Salem high country
I always carry a Mild Seven
I rode on a White Horse
Going to Kingsway in Kent
It was Lucky Strike I fell in love
With the daughter of Master Duke
Her name was YSL
We got married by Perillys, the priest
We checked in at the house of Dunhill
And book into room number 555
I laid her on the bed made of Gold Leaf
I played with her two Matterhorns
When I poked in my Rothmans King Size
She cried, "You are a Rough Rider"
You a riding like a mad Camel
When I asked her if she satisfied,
She answered, "I want More"

How To Start Your Day

How To Start Your Day With A Positive Attitude

1. Open a new file in your PC .

2. Name it " Boss " 

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN 

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN 

5. Your  PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?" 

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly.... 

7. Feel better?

HAVE A NICE DAY.. :D

Boys And Girls

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Gelak

Laughter is the biological reaction of humans to moments or occasions of humor: an outward expression of amusement. Laughter is subcategorised into various groupings depending upon the extent and pitch of the laughter: giggles, clicks (which can be almost silent), chortles, chuckles, hoots, cackles, sniggers and guffaws are all types of laughter. Smiling is a mild silent form of laughing
 
 
Hellooww...
Nama wa Wong Ah Beng.
Wa seekor kucing yang pandai menekan2 keybod untuk memblogging.
Disamping itu, wa jua adalah seekor kucing ahbeng.
Hali ini hali Selasa. Hali ini, wa ingin belcelita mengenai jenis-jenis gelak ketawa di alam cyber, especially chatting. Pada pemelhatian wa, mendapati terdapat belbagai macam jenis ketawa. Ini adalah bagus kelana disamping boleh berhibur, kita jua boleh meng-stereotype- kan seseolang itu berdasarkan cala2 dia gelak. Belikut wa telah mengkategorikan jenis2 ketawa:
 
Gelak Boring -> "hehehhehe" atau "hahahaha"
Ini jenis gelak biasa sahaja. Tiada apa-apa yang spesyial. Kemungkinan besar ini orang talak kleatif punya olang kelana menggunakan jenis gelak yang normal.

Gelak Jahat -> "buahahahahah" atau "muahahahha"
Ini gelak seling digunakan oleh meleka2 yang di dalam evil mode. Untuk lelaki yang gelak sedemikian lupa, meleka adalah sememangnya olang jahat. Bagi polumpuan pula, melambangkan meleka adalah polumpuan yg tiada sifat2 lemah lembut lakyat Asia kelana gelak selupa ini maciam talak sopan.

Gelak Mengekek -> "kekekekeke"
Wa jamin awek2 yg gelak mengekek adalah talak cun. Wa punya teori simple sahaja: Boleh kah lu imagine Erra Fazira, Angelina Jolie, atau Jessica Alba gelak mengekek? Macam tak masuk akal kan? Adalah lebih mudah untuk meng-imagine polumpuan2 tembams atau gemuk yang tiada rupa gelak secara mengekek, lebih logik.

Gelak Mewah -> "hohoho" atau "huwargh huwargh huwargh"
Lelaki yang gemar gelak sebegini selalunya adalah meleka2 boroi dan baru lepas kekenyangan makanan. Kemungkinan jua mereka ini manyiak duit kelana ini maciam punya gelak ada selupa gelak olang2 kaya jua. Samada mewah perut atau mewah wallet. Untuk pelempuan pula, adalah tidak elok gelak ini maciam kelana "hohoho" adalah jua di-pronounce as "whore-whore- whore". Whore belmaksud sundal.

Gelak Mengukui -> "kui kui kui"
Selalunya mamat atau minah yang akan buat lawak tak kelaka pastuh gelak sendiri style maciam ini laa..Most of the time adalah disebabkan gelak nak cover malu kelana meleka sedar lawak meleka talak kelaka pun.

Gelak Cas Ayu -> "hihihihi"
Polumpuan yg gelak begini adalah meleka yang cas-cas ayu dan penuh sopan kesantunan. Konon-konon macam gelak malu2 laa ghitu. Tetapi jikalau ada lelaki yg gelak sebegini pula, adalah kelana meleka itu dali kalangan lelaki sotong.

Gelak Mengengeh -> "ngeh ngeh ngeh"
Konon cheeky laa sangat gelak ini maciam...!! Kebiasaannya meleka ini takder laa cheeky sangat pun but trying to be cheeky and stuffs laa konon. Perhaps they are. Perhaps they are not. Most of the time...lanjiao lu!

Gelak bangsat -> "ngeahahahah"
Sesiapa yang gelak sebegini adalah bangsat jua..

Kesimpulannya, sewaktu chatting, gunakanlah jenis2 gelak yang bersesuaian sama jiwa anda. Contohnya, jikalau lu awek cun, cubalah hindarkan dari gelak mengekek tak tentu pasal untuk mengelakkan salahsangka olang ingat lu talak cun. cukuplah sekadar menggunakan icon2 senyuman seperti :) atau :D lebih sopan. Tetapi sekilanya lu memang talak cun, adalah dibenarkan lu mengekek.

Survive A Day In Office

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Super Salesman from China

A chinaman moves to Montreal , Canada and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager asks, 'Do you have any sales experience?' 

The man says, 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home'. Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice. If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. You get the idea?'

'Of course,' the young man said.

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down. 'How many sales did you make today? The man says, 'One' The manager groans, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales per day. How much was the sale for?' The man says, 
'$101,237.64 .' The manager exclaims, 'What? $101,237.64? What did you sell him?'

The man replied, 'First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then
I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Pajero.'

The manager says 'You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!'

The man says, 'No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Kotex for his wife and I said,'Well, since your weekend's already screwed up you might as well go fishing.'

Did I read that sign right

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1 ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD, FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Ah Beng

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"

====================================
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

==========================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

===========================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

=========================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.

===========================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : "I was watching TV news..."

=========================================
Ah Beng  comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment."

=============================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng  in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

===============================================
Once  Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

==================================================
Ah Beng  in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

===================================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng  - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

===================================================
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"

=====================================================
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."

=====================================================
A man asked Ah Beng  why  Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not
in the morning  Ah Beng replied  Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

Monkey In the Plane

Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Tying their belts"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Checking the system"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Looking for my people"

Officer: "After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Serving the travelers"
Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Eating & throwing"

Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Make up"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Nothing"

Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?"
Monkey: "All were sleeping"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the air hostess"
Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!!!

No more Questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, wrong number!!!!!!!!

"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now." Brief Pause. "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?"

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?

Is this 486-5731?"

No, this is 486-5713.....

Sorry, wrong number!!!!!!!!

Original Puma T-Shirt

Stress Reliever

Stress Reliever # 1
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy : It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

Stress Reliever # 5
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

Stress Reliever # 6
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Stress Reliever # 7
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad about that?" "He was the original owner."

Stress Reliever # 9
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".. "My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

Stress Reliever # 10
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

Stress Reliever # 11
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

Stress Reliever # 12
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me ? my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour."

Knowledge

Knowledge

A scientific convention was held at a lakeside resort. After the first day's proceedings, a mathematician, a physicist, an astronomer and a molecular biologist hired a boatman to row them around on the lake.

As they sat in the boat, they discussed string theory, bubble universes, the Gaea Hypothesis and other abstruse topics. The biologist noticed the boatman looking at them from the corner of his eyes. He asked him, "What do you think of these ideas?" The boatman replied, "I didn't understand any of it." The astronomer asked him how far he had studied. He told them he couldn't even read. "I hate to say it," said the physicist, "but you seem to have wasted a good part of your life." The boatman remained silent.

By now they were out in the middle of the lake, far from shore. A sudden storm whipped up. The waves started churning and heaving. All of a sudden, the boat flipped over. The boatman started swimming for shore. The scientists cried out, "Help! We can't swim!" The boatman called back, "I hate to say it, but you seem to have wasted your whole lives."

Funny Ringtone

The Obedient Wife

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to  take my money to the afterlife with me."
 
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put  all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.  When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
 
"Wait just a moment!"
She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box  and put  it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said,
 
"Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

 
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him."
 

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket   with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."